From Burning Out to On Fire

First - I'm sore and it's FUCKING AWESOME.

Why am I sore? I did a whopping (sarcasm) 20 squats 2 days ago, after the PT routine (who knew big rubber bands would be so difficult to stretch?). Why was I squatting? Because I haven't been able to since December. And that's just insane.

What else have I had a hard time with?

• walking down stairs
• lifting from the floor
• writing

"But Erica," you say. "What does writing have to do with bending over?"

I nod, all wise and stuff. "I will tell you grasshopper." 

CHICKEN

Why is it always a grasshopper? Seriously. Why isn't it a ladybug or a dung beetle? 

Anyway... 

I'm tired of being broken. If I hear "fracture" in reference to my body, I will punch someone in their face. Okay – I won’t punch anyone. I'm more of a kicker, or a hip-checker. It's been a rough couple of months. I'm burned out on being broken. When you are independent (albeit slightly lazy), being unable to do what you normally do is both frustrating and disheartening. And because pouting is a full-time job for me, I haven't had it in me to get that much writing done. 

I talk a lot about writing. But how much writing do I actually do? Less than I would like to admit.

The Physical Therapist (or "She Who Smiles Brightly When I Wince") gave me a long lecture for allowing my sadness to sully my progression. She reminded me that if I wanted to get back onto skates and come out of the whole ugly situation intact - I had to fight for it. Healing is as much of a mental game as it is a physical one. Flexibility in the mind will allow for flexibility in the body.

Then I thought about writing. I could talk a lot about doing my PT, but unless I actually attempt to stand on my toes (surprisingly difficult on the broken/healing leg), I will never get there. 

Unless I write a chapter, the book will never materialize.

Work = progress.

Pouting = fat lower lip and a lot of wasted time.

For the past few weeks now, I've been doing my PT (almost) daily. I can now stand on the broken/healing leg while closing my eyes for over a minute. You should try that as well (after finishing the blog, of course). Stand for a whole minute on one leg - with your eyes closed. It's challenging.

I have also sent pages to my Crit partner. It was an odd little short story with rough edges and a lot of emotion. The most important part is that I sent it (with apologies, of course). 

I've rewritten Chapter 1 in the WIP, bringing it back to 1st person. This will prove to be difficult to maintain since the damn novel is massive already (in my head) and I have other characters to follow. But for now, the thing that gets my ass in the chair and writing is my 1st person POV. I'm also using Scrivener to organize my research and chapters and character descriptions. At first the program was daunting - there's so much you can do. Once I used the walkthrough I have a handle on things. I also put Simplenote on my iPad so I can sync changes and edits as I make them. The system is pretty seamless. I heart it.

I feel energized. There is an end in sight. On the 22nd I will return to skates. Okay, I'll just be roller skating and not doing any derby for a bit, but that is the first step. I'm in love with my writing again, and find myself taking ridiculously long showers because I get caught up in plotting in my head.

Have we had the whole pantser vs. plotter discussion yet? This planning stuff is new and exciting and oddly efficient.

More importantly, I finally understand that I don't have to obey my own rules for the novel. I just have to write.

I have to move.

I have to remember what makes me happy. It is not pouting. It is not feeling sorry for myself. 

Flexibility and strength are not only important for physical prowess on the track, but they are equally necessary for a writer’s life. And that, grasshopper, is my lesson for the day.