Your Resolution is Bullshit

And good morning to you too! The title is meant to shock. Just go with me on this.

In years past, I sidled up to the New Year’s Resolution bar, and placed my order just like everyone else. And every year I ordered the same shit:

• quit smoking
• drink less
• exercise
• eat better
• write more
• watch TV less

The year crept along. The bright, shiny resolutions of January 1 fade to regret as the months plod along. All those glorious promises to ourselves are broken. Why? Life is not about starting over at a single point. Life’s a moving target and our goals should shift as well.

So what did I succeed in doing last year?

• I lost 20 lbs with the help of Weight Watchers (I’m a huge fan of their iPhone app – such a great way of keeping me honest).
• I started roller derby.
• I graduated with an MFA in Writing Popular Fiction (to be fair, I knew I was graduating before the year turned, but it was still an accomplishment).
• I learned how to bake.
• I got a job.
• I pushed hard to transition into someting that coincided with my writing aspirations, moving from a project asstistant to a copywriter.
• I learned to be proud of myself.

Much of that list is nice, but the smoking thing deserves a cookie.

Or 10.

It was surprisingly easy, once I changed my mind.

When did I quit smoking? In March. The only significant dates in March are birthdays (husband, mother, sister), but I didn’t do it for them. Nor did I quit as a part of some bizarre list of things that I needed to get done before the year. I analyzed my life. I looked at what I wanted to do (not snoring is on that list… alas quitting smoking did not get rid of my snoring completely…the weight loss is helping) and what was really making me happy. Smoking did not make me happy. So, to put it simply - one day I threw everything out, the lighters, the hidden packs in my winter coats, the ashtray. And then I also stopped talking on the phone. Phone conversations are, and remain, a trigger for me. I speak to my loved ones a lot less, but I also sleep better. And I smell everything (not so good when you are on public transit sometimes, but its made me a better cook).

I may have turned into one of those annoying non-smokers too.

Anyway, one day I woke up and realized that things needed to change. I could turn 35 without being proud of myself, and I wouldn't have that. So I changed things – slowly. That is the key to change. Jumping feet first into the pool of radical transformation is romantic, but it rarely works. The loss of your former life is shocking and uncomfortable. Then we struggle to find ourselves in a clouded pool that was our former life. It is easier to suffer the differences if taken in small steps, moving step by step from the shallow end to the deep end, otherwise, we revert to what we know and we end the year drowning in our unresolved resolutions.

What a shite way to do things.

There are plenty of things I want to do this year. I want to write more diligently. I want to heal and get my ass back on skates (that is going to be my biggest challenge in the early part of the year). I want to reconnect with my spiritual side.  More than anything, I want to grow. And I will. The change is free to come and I look at it as an organic process. It’s not about tracking things for me, or establishing limits. It’s about letting things flow and keeping myself accountable.

Why the rant about this? I hate to see others fail because of some ridiculous notion that we can only change ourselves at New Year's (or some other milestone in the year, like our birthday). What is stopping you from doing things different today? Or tomorrow? Do you have to have that 4th beer? Do you really need to watch that extra hour of reality televison? Are you really too busy to call/email/text that family member that you haven't talked too in ages? Do you really need to wait to thank your friend for being there?

Does it take something like this silly calender to make you take stock of your life?

I have a hard time with holidays in general. I'm a bit of a grinch, but I like the idea that you can celebrate family/life/birthdays/love/etc. every day - not only on New Years or some calender day. Make changes every day. Be grateful every day. Try to do something new every day. Scare yourself daily. This is your one life... don't let a calender determine how you should live it.

Sometimes the best resolution is to have none at all.